Still

I was bored…bored with my life, bored with my friends (or lack thereof), bored with my job, bored with my hobbies. So I got busy…busy with new hobbies, busy with new friends, busy with a new job, and busy with new twin boys. I was so busy that I finally found my life merited one of those reference-sized Mom calendars…the kind that will organize everyone’s life around you, including your neighbor’s and the man’s in the convenient store down the street.

Leaving Barnes & Noble with that calendar, I couldn’t wait to get home to add all my so very important dates: book club, Mothers of Multiples meetings, lunch dates, birthdays and showers, and appointments of every kind—doctors, dentists, specialists. At the end of the hour, it was complete—my life neatly written in little boxes and lined rectangles. And I was so proud of it! I finally wasn’t bored anymore. A year prior, I would’ve had nothing to put in those lined little spaces, but now…? Now, I was important! I was busy! I was distracted!

In all my getting un-bored, I lost sight of the difference between the important and the urgent. Everyone around me was moved to my urgent list while my precious Heavenly Father was demoted to the important list…the “I’ll-get-to-it-when-I-have-a-minute” list. But my minutes never came. I was so busy giving my time to my new-found distractions, I didn’t even notice as my God-time slipped further and further down the list until He didn’t even make the list; all my lines were filled with other things.

In Luke 10:40, God says that Martha was “distracted with much serving” (NKJ). She was distracted by serving the Messiah! If God says that Martha’s choice to serve Jesus distracted her from “the good part” (v. 42), what was I? My distraction certainly didn’t involve Jesus (not blatantly, anyway). It centered around me! I was the center of my distraction; Jesus didn’t even make my Mom-sized calendar.

Not only did He not make my calendar, I was generally so tired during the week that by the time Sunday rolled around, all I wanted to do was have some rest time, some down time, some “me-time.” I couldn’t fathom the effort it would take to make it to church, so I happily excused it. “We’ll go next week…” And watched the babies play from my perch on the couch, coffee cup in hand.  

Week after week, month after month, I felt Him drift farther and farther away as I focused more and more on my distractions. Slowly, those distractions that I was so proud of became more and more of a chore. I found little time to read my monthly book club book, letting down my fellow members. I couldn’t find the time to accept an officer position in my Mother’s of Multiples group even though they really needed me, and I sort’ve wanted to do it. I found less and less joy in my family and shoved away the guilt as I gave a quick kiss and goodbye to the boys as I ran out to my next distraction…

“Still… Be still… Be still and know that I am God.” I hear His voice beckon me…His “still” small voice. “Dear daughter,” I hear. “I am here. I am here…still. Return to Me,” He says. “Schedule some time, and I will meet you there…still. Be still, my child. Be still and rest.”